What a strange, strange day.

Lost my motivation to study this sem idk why.. Can't seem to find that usual sense of urgency which I take pride in and brought me through all the school terms my whole life.

Must be the result of planning the europe trip this whole sem and starting the divergent novels a few days ago..

Stayed up till 4/5am to chiong finish the books.. which also means that the following day I'm wasted and totally jelly for the next few days. Must be why I'm still unproductive and unmotivated now..

And I keep arranging meetups with my friends before my trip because I'm just pretty worried that I won't get to see them for a long time before I travel to a faraway land without my close friends.

Goodness gracious why am i even thinking like that, I need to be open minded and think positively!

Anyway, today I met M at clem with the intention of having breakfast tgt. And he was gonna give me a ride in his dad's car which is a beemer.

Totally stoked to ride in his car.. So so happy and privileged, even though I know I'm definitely not the only girl he does this to, he's just so nice and perfect. Anyway, he kinda said that he doesn't mind bringing along his second dslr for me to use and try if I want to! He's such a kind and unselfish individual..

That's how he builds up his arsenal of connections, his friends.. I see him meeting his friends around utown and I'm so envious cos he's really close to them and they greet each other with a manly hug! How amazing!

And today he brought me to study with a girl friend of his in Tembusu, she was really nice and friendly and I ended up having a great time, they were so inviting and easy to get along with that within moments I was just chilling and I was having a nice chat with her friend as well! goodness gracious.

Then for a moment I was just like super envious of these amazing people i'll never meet in Tembusu..

Ah well anyways, I wanted to find Sinnee in her suite but she went to biz to get a textbook so I missed her, so I wrote her a little note before I left even though I knew it was late and I had to go back and sleep if I wanted to be productive tmr..

Idk why but it seems to me that when I acknowledge the fact that studies is not at the top of my list (which is my current mood now cos of my lack of sense of urgency), I seem to be able to bring joy to people around more willingly..

The previous me would just faster zao and feel rather pissed that sinnee wasn't in her room after waiting for quite some time

I mean, I am still desperately trying to find my old Original Mugger self but at the same time, I just wished I could find a balance..

And fyi, studies was always at the top of my list last time because that was the only thing I felt I was good at. Now, I realise that's a pretty useless trait because it's not like I'm a mad genius or sth. I was just hardworking and able to grasp most science concepts easily. And I feel kinda helpless that I sacrificed so much to get here; my friends, possible wonderful experiences and new people I would never meet. But now, coming to uni, I just hope that I will be able to learn from M how he is able to have so many meaningful interactions and be able to build such wonderful relationships with the people around him. he just charms his way to other people and he's so selfless about everything!

Just when I was feeling kinda moody just now, mom also offered to help me bring lots of stuff to the office and drive the van to me early morning cos I wanna use it tmr to drive to ntu to study with the bee. so mega touched. I owe my parents everything. Really every single fucking thing.

Alright, gonna take my 1h power nap before I get up to do my stats cheat sheet. Ciao!

I hope God is kind to me tonight.

And I believe he will be.

What a strange, strange day.

Lost my motivation to study this sem idk why.. Can't seem to find that usual sense of urgency which I take pride in and brought me through all the school terms my whole life.

Must be the result of planning the europe trip this whole sem and starting the divergent novels a few days ago..

Stayed up till 4/5am to chiong finish the books.. which also means that the following day I'm wasted and totally jelly for the next few days. Must be why I'm still unproductive and unmotivated now..

And I keep arranging meetups with my friends before my trip because I'm just pretty worried that I won't get to see them for a long time before I travel to a faraway land without my close friends.

Goodness gracious why am i even thinking like that, I need to be open minded and think positively!

Anyway, today I met M at clem with the intention of having breakfast tgt. And he was gonna give me a ride in his dad's car which is a beemer.

Totally stoked to ride in his car.. So so happy and privileged, even though I know I'm definitely not the only girl he does this to, he's just so nice and perfect. Anyway, he kinda said that he doesn't mind bringing along his second dslr for me to use and try if I want to! He's such a kind and unselfish individual..

That's how he builds up his arsenal of connections, his friends.. I see him meeting his friends around utown and I'm so envious cos he's really close to them and they greet each other with a manly hug! How amazing!

And today he brought me to study with a girl friend of his in Tembusu, she was really nice and friendly and I ended up having a great time, they were so inviting and easy to get along with that within moments I was just chilling and I was having a nice chat with her friend as well! goodness gracious.

Then for a moment I was just like super envious of these amazing people i'll never meet in Tembusu..

Ah well anyways, I wanted to find Sinnee in her suite but she went to biz to get a textbook so I missed her, so I wrote her a little note before I left even though I knew it was late and I had to go back and sleep if I wanted to be productive tmr..

Idk why but it seems to me that when I acknowledge the fact that studies is not at the top of my list (which is my current mood now cos of my lack of sense of urgency), I seem to be able to bring joy to people around more willingly..

The previous me would just faster zao and feel rather pissed that sinnee wasn't in her room after waiting for quite some time

I mean, I am still desperately trying to find my old Original Mugger self but at the same time, I just wished I could find a balance..

And fyi, studies was always at the top of my list last time because that was the only thing I felt I was good at. Now, I realise that's a pretty useless trait because it's not like I'm a mad genius or sth. I was just hardworking and able to grasp most science concepts easily. And I feel kinda helpless that I sacrificed so much to get here; my friends, possible wonderful experiences and new people I would never meet. But now, coming to uni, I just hope that I will be able to learn from M how he is able to have so many meaningful interactions and be able to build such wonderful relationships with the people around him. he just charms his way to other people and he's so selfless about everything!

Just when I was feeling kinda moody just now, mom also offered to help me bring lots of stuff to the office and drive the van to me early morning cos I wanna use it tmr to drive to ntu to study with the bee. so mega touched. I owe my parents everything. Really every single fucking thing.

Alright, gonna take my 1h power nap before I get up to do my stats cheat sheet. Ciao!

I hope God is kind to me tonight.

And I believe he will be.