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Biography
JOY
nanhua high school ex-kemingnite SAXOPHONIST in NHSB 102 '07 202 '08 302 '09 403 '10 11SH11 '11'12 71 words
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Thursday, November 28, 2013
When every song's lyrics seem to be applicable to your life..It's times when I'm feeling down or when I have something bugging me then I really question my place in the universe. Why do people have so much fun and have so much meaning to their lives? It's also when my self esteem hits rock bottom. And it's not helping that I'm displaying self-destructive behaviour like watching House non-stop when I should really be study. I know I'm not in army but can army fucking end already.
It's a love hate relationship ya know, showering with contacts.
I once tried to remove my contacts after I showered, and I almost freaked out. I think it's the adhesion cohesion whatever that we learnt in sec sch that made my contacts kinda stick to my eyes cos of the water in between. And boy I think I must have looked like I was gorging my eyes out desperately trying to remove my contacts that day. The reason why I thought of this story is cus I left my spectacles in my bro's bag which isn't at home rn and I guess I'll really have to stretch the duration I wear my contacts.. Which meant I had to shower in my contacts. And it just struck me how clearly I could see everything in the bath, like how the water was making patterns on the floor and how there was a particular layer of the grime that's visible on the floor growing where my mom probably left out when cleaning the floor. The water was making my eyes really comfortable (for non-contact lens wearers, contacts really suck the water out of your eyes after a long day), and it's like I have perfect vision cos I don't feel the contacts at all. That's when I rmb all the stories about people wearing their contacts for too long and they get a really bad infection and lose their vision wtv. Whyyyy why must it be that way? Can't I keep my contacts on forever since I can't feel them? Can't they just fuse with my eyes and become part of themmmm? Sucks ya know. Haha, guess I'm just being really whiny.
This is a really interesting phenomenon..:) it's that one time of the year when suddenly I feel it's so surreal. All throughout the year you're always thinking about how to celebrate people's birthdays and things like that, when it's actually your birthday you find a bit lost . So yea, I don't have any plans for my birthday. Okay so I guess I don't really pay much attention to people's birthdays because I don't give that much of a damn for my birthday. But it's still really heartwarming to see all the wishes you got on your birthday :)
These few days I've really been a little down cos my boy's really busy and cold to me. Maybe I'm over reading and overthinking things.. But it's really kinda lonely. I feel like our honeymoon period's over.. All the texts from people really did help a lot though, it's like suddenly people can all read my mind and they decide to comfort me all at once by sending me nice wishes.. Gosh now I just sound really pathetic and like I'm moping at myself. At least I'll get to see him on Saturday :) Monday, November 25, 2013
I feel cold and lost. Regretting my actions, how I chose to be cold to him for that split second.. Maybe this is how we lose our honeymoon period. When he did something I didn't like and I chose not to say. And how I value my time. It's like I see people forgoing their study time because they deem the time spent doing something else has more value. And then you can feel the sudden and I'm guessing obvious change in my attitude. Yeah it's like scarcity, how you choose to organise your time according to opportunity cost and stuff. Maybe... I'm not getting what I want from this?
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Suddenly thought of a time with my boyfriend at NUS since I'm at NUS now with someone who doesn't belong here also - my bro heh heh
Sometimes we think that keeping things to ourselves is good, but actually it turns out to be the other way..
Maybe that's why those people from the mental welfare and counseling societies always encourage people to go to for counseling and not keep things to themselves.
So anyway, that time my bf and I wanted to go get Starbucks and I insisted on buying from NUS starbucks cos it was cheaper (by 50 cents hahaha).. And he kept telling me to go to clementi mall cos he was lazy to walk. Yea, if we went to YIH, there was a short distance to walk, and for UTown we had to walk quite a distance from the bus stop.. But I obviously thought it was quite dumb and he was quite whiny.. I mean you walk so much in army and you're whining about a 150m walk from the bus stop?! So anyway I relented and then he was in a really really bad mood soon after that. Which yeah luh, was kind of a turn off. So well we went to YIH and Starbucks was closed (he was really really really really in a bad mood), so we had to wait for the bus once more to UTown.. And when we reached there I was really regretting my decision to get Starbucks in NUS.. I mean yeah, despite my dearest boyfriend being a really nice and awesome guy who treats me like a princess, I'm actually quite scared of him when he's angry (it translates to being in a really bad mood cos he refuses to tell me why he's in a bad mood). And boy was I scared of him for a moment..
Well anyway, it turned out that he was having a bad cramp/ache in his leg.. That's why he was in a bad mood. I mean, I would totally have not persisted in my stupid request to drink at NUS for the 50 cents discount if I knew that's what was bothering him..
Yeah it really made me think. Sometimes I really give my family members attitude and be really annoyed and cold to whatever they say. I think my mom must have suffered quite a lot for that.. The other time i was at KK and this daughter was being really annoyed and pissed at her mom for being loud and annoying (she kept asking her what to press on her iPhone cos she wasn't very tech-savvy). I did that before once, when my mom accompanied me to a checkup and she kept saying embarrassing things to the staff about me.. So naturally I reacted that way. I mean she was totally kept in the dark and now when I look back, she must have suffered and wondered wth was her daughter acting like that..
Oh well we all do stupid things. Actually even now I still hide my feelings a lot of times so I don't come off as whiny or if I don't want other people to know what i'm thinking. Yup I still do even though I know it would just solve the problem if I speak up. I just hope I hid it well enough that other people won't notice..
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
That sense of impending doomwhenyourphonebattislessthan10%andyou'regonnameetupwithyourfriendsbutyou'restillquitefarawayfromyourmeetingpoint Saturday, November 2, 2013
haven't blogged in ages! all of a sudden it's november.. time really flies. shall update this virtual space which no one really knows about :P26/27 Oct My boy's in Taiwan now for his military training, so we headed out to spend time tgt during the weekend. Went back to Gardens, the place where we had our first awesome date, to relax and play frisbee :) Great to have his company. Even though it was really hot and stuff, he still accompanied me to walk around and chill under a shady tree to enjoy the really nice scenery there :) 
Yups. If you notice a tiny little blue thing in the river, that's our frisbee. In the water. Gone. Forever. :(
That's the frisbee we bought together.. Yeah Min and Carol were saying how the first frisbee's always the one you have sentimental value for.. Guess they're right. Oh well, at least I lost it when I was together with him and not playing with some other friends right? Sigh.. blame it on my bad frisbee skills.
 
oh wells, after that we kinda cheered ourselves up by taking photos hehehe
Sunday was, really awesome as well :)
We caught About Time at JP. Haven't been to JP in ages, but Sunday was a good day:)
Visited Siew and ate at ichiban.
Well anyway, this post is mainly about about time. It's a really great movie, about a man in UK who can travel back in time to different points of his life and do things differently. It's a really sweet, romantic and touching movie!! It really reminded me of how important it is to treasure those around me. We should really live our lives to the fullest, since we can only live it once. We are what we are because of the things we did and one day we're gonna look back in time to see what we did. Hopefully we'll be smiling sweetly at our old selves :)
Oh well, anyway, I cried endlessly towards the back of the movie.. And what's worse was that I was seated at a rather bright area of the cinema (stealth factor gone) and I was still crying even after the movie ended cos I kept thinking about the movie in relation to my life and it made my tears fall yet again.. Yeah i'm a sucker for touching scenes but somehow I just don't cry so easily at real life stuff :<
Amidst the embarrassment from walking through the mall with my eyes red and teary, I must say that it is always good to have longer fringe to cover your face and a sizeable human being (boyfriend preferably) to shield you from the crowd heh heh. When he told me he'll never make me cry like that it really made my heart melt T.T okay except for watching movies luh I guess. Even though i have many regrets, I'm pretty sure I have something for me to smile at next time.
Ah well, and so here begins my three weeks without him. I've been busy catching up with my friends so far, keeping myself occupied and happy! School's rather slack these two weeks (or maybe it's not I'm just imagining things), and I haven't been very productive. Must really buck up so I don't regret anything!!!!
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